The power of the ask
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Posted by: Barbara Francella
By Angela Joyner
Asking for what you want is an empowering act that can have a
positive impact on your life. But the power of asking for what you want depends
on: 1. Knowing what you want. 2. Fully believing you deserve it. 3. Being prepared
to accept the answer "no.” And 4, Having the communication skills needed for an
What do you want?
Some wants originate from unmet needs in our lives. The need to be
heard or for respect, expedience, validation and intimacy are things we may
desire because of an unmet need elsewhere. Knowing what you need will help you
be crystal about your request. It’s helpful to distinguish between needs that
move us toward well-being and those that never really bring happiness, such as
the desire for approval or to be right.
Believe you deserve It
If you think you can’t have what you want, take time to examine
your limiting beliefs. Make a list of all the things you want and then write
all the reasons why you believe you can't have them. Are these reasons really true? Have you made decisions
about "reality" or made assumptions about others that keep you from
even asking for what you want? When you ask people for what you want, you offer
them the opportunity to contribute. Your
mindset can wreak havoc on your belief.
If you don’t believe that you deserve having your request fulfilled,
others will have a difficult time as well.
Prepare for "no"
Asking for what you truly want honors your experience and brings
you into deeper alignment with the essence of who you are. You connect with
your own humanness and know where you stand. If you can prepare in your heart
and mind to hear the answer "No," you can take the sting out of the
potential rejection. Experiencing rejection can be very demotivating for some
of us. Having asked, it may no longer be so important that you get exactly what
you want. There is so much power in the act of asking, it is empowering in
Tony Robbins says, "The answer is always 'No' if you don’t
ask." True! But asking is more effective when you follow these guidelines
for effective communication:
- State your need clearly, followed by your request.
- Ask for what you want in the present (not "I wanted you to help me with the kids yesterday.")
- Ask for what you do
want, not what you don't want. ("I
want you to spend time with me," not "I don’t want you to be at work so much.")
- Ask in the form of a request, rather than a demand.
- Detach from the outcome.
Remember that empowerment comes in the asking. When you ask for
what you want, you have planted not only the seeds of better communication, but
of more clearly knowing who you are, which is present in what you want.
Recognized by Black Health Magazine as one the "25 Most
Influential African American in Healthcare, Pharmaceuticals and Health Food
Industries," Angela Joyner is founder of The Wonder Loft LLC.
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